Sober
by generalflorp
Summary: Russia has done some horrible things in his lifetime. He finally understands this after so many years of ignorance. Will he ever be able to gain the love and trust of the one man who means the most to him? -Human and Nation Names Used.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: **

**TRIGGER WARNING: Contains non-explicit NON-CON.**

**This story fits in with my 'DELUGE' universe. That's my AmeCan story. You don't need to read that in order read this, but it would be helpful.**

**So obviously in this, things go a bit different than canon in regards to the meeting between Lithuania and Russia as well as other things.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, that right goes to ****Hidekaz Himaruya. **

**Chapter One**

Snapping his cellphone shut, Russia breathed a heavy sigh. That phone call with Lithuania hadn't gone well.

What had Toris said? Sadistic bastard? Childish fool? Incompetent asshole? Selfish? Didn't even think to understand how other people felt?

Russia closed his eyes tight and massaged at one of his temples with a free hand.

When you live as long as a nation, dates and times tend to blur in your mind. Your thoughts become a jumble of meaningless events, rolling and tumbling over one another until you give up trying to recall specifics.

However certain memories in particular, stood out in Russia's memory, haunting him like a spectre.

_It wasn't yet winter, that much he knew. General Winter would have been haunting him if it had been. No, the season was autumn but a chill wind still swept between the trees._

_The river flowed beside him and he poked the cold liquid, watching it flow around his finger. He shivered and was trying to forget how cold he was. Russia wasn't wearing much more than an old coat, full of holes and poorly sewn patches. Then, so thirsty, he cupped his dirty hand and scooped water to his mouth to drink. _

_The leader of one of his armies had forced little Ivan to come along on a trek through the wilderness to 'toughen him up'. He didn't want to be there. Why did he have to? It was so cold and he was lonely being away from his sisters. The man who ruled over him beat him, hurt him. And so he'd wandered away into the forest until he'd come across a river to take a drink from._

_When he shivered next, it wasn't solely from the cold._

_Just as he was about to grab a stone to throw into the water, he heard somebody approach from behind._

_Immediately he jumped to his feet, standing in a defensive position, little fists raised. In front of him was a child of around Russia's own age. He had brown hair that hung around his face and shined in the stray rays of light that filtered through the trees and solemn blue eyes that stared over at Russia._

"_Are you Russia?" asked the boy, nudging a rock with the toe of his shoe._

_Russia didn't move from his protective position. He could tell who this was now. This was another nation. Why was he here?_

_Wait? Hadn't he seen this boy before? Oh yeah!_

"_You're Lithuania, right? I am Russia, you're correct," said Ivan, relaxing and thrusting out a hand to the other boy._

_Lithuania took a step away from Russia's hand._

"_What are you doing out here? It is so cold and you aren't wearing warm clothes," said Lithuania, a small dog barking from behind him. _

_Russia ignored the remark about his clothing and knelt down. He held out a hand to beckon the dog over, "Such a cute puppy. So good at the barking."_

_Leaves crunched under Lithuania's feet as he came closer, hand shaking with a small white cloth in it, "Your face is cut and bruised."_

_When the dog growled at Russia instead of wanting to be friends, he stood up to face Lithuania, "Is it still? Oh. I didn't know."_

_Lithuania swallowed audibly and then went around Russia. He dipped one end of the cloth in the water and then held it out to Russia's cheek, "You should take care of wounds you know. It's not good to leave them dirty."_

"_Oh, well thank you for wiping them for me," said Russia with a smile._

_He didn't have anything back at the warlord's camp with which he could clean himself. Yet this nice boy was dirtying his own perfectly white cloth for him, Russia._

"_You didn't tell me why you are out here. You should go inside if you're injured and don't need to be out."_

_Russia cocked his head to the side, "No. Being out in the woods by myself makes me stronger. One day I am going to be a big and powerful country."_

"_U-ummmm oh, okay. But what does that have to do with...?" said Lithuania, rinsing the cloth out once more, moving onto a cut on Russia's forehead._

_That cut stung, it must have been more fresh. All at once, the reasons why Ivan was out in the woods came back to him. He couldn't be here, he couldn't let anybody see this sweet little boy helping him. What if the warlord found Lithuania and took him? No, Russia couldn't let that happen._

"_One day, once I'm strong, you and I can be friends. But right now, I have to be going. I cannot be here around you for too long," said Russia backing away, nearly tripping over the small and still barking dog._

_Russia could still remember Lithuania's calls to him and he ran away, asking why they couldn't be friends then. Lithuania didn't get it but that was alright._

_When Russia had made his way back to the camp, the warlord grabbed him by his arm and twisted. Another soldier came from the side and kicked Russia's ribs. The warlord, whose name Russia hadn't yet learned, tightened his grip on the arm he was holding and then twisted it painfully-_

Russia snapped his eyes open and ran his hand through his hair. He picked up the clear glass in front of him and then the bottle behind it. He tipped the bottle to pour himself another few fingers of alcohol when he just shrugged and drank from the bottle itself. Russia needed it.

As he chugged and his vision blurred, he gripped his cell phone and set it down onto his desk. What was the point in carrying it with him? Nobody would call. Toris had already told Ivan everything that he could possible need to say.

Rising to his feet, Russia stumbled through his office, nearly tripping over a rug. He caught himself in time on a table beside the sofa. On it were a couple of framed photographs. One was of Russia with his sisters, Ukraine and Belarus. The other was of the three Baltic states. All of them, his sisters and the Baltics were independent from him now. Had been for a while.

But Russia didn't feel the loss of any of them as much as he felt the loss of Lithuania.

Ivan drew his finger down the glass covering the part of the photo containing Lithuania. Toris had smiled for the picture and it looked genuine. Had it really been real? Or had Lithuania been too intimidated by Russia to do anything but smile for the camera?

Placing the photo back down gently, Russia continued his drunken stumbling to the staircase. He wanted his bed, but when he tripped and fell on his back on the first step, he decided to sit there for a while.

He remembered when he'd finally been strong enough to gain control of part of Lithuania and the Poland-Lithuanian Commonwealth became partitioned amongst three countries:

_The house, situated just on the outside of Vilnius, was dark inside. Not a single candle or lantern could be seen lit and the moon was obscured by heavy clouds. Flakes of snow fluttered to the ground, covering the footsteps that Russia had just made._

_Russia rapped his fist on the door once more but it came out sounding as if he'd pounded._

"_Lithuania, I am here to bring you to my home," said Russia cheerfully._

_He was so happy. He could finally, after all these years, bring his little friend to live with him. Pretty Lithuania. Kind Lithuania. The boy who'd tended his wounds, who was now a man._

_All of the world would one day become part of Russia, but winning Lithuania was his top prize. It was the best day ever._

_Russia smiled and knocked once more, "This is a nice door. It'd be a shame to kick it down."_

_No answer. _

"_Okay. I'm coming in."_

_He stood back, and kicked out just once and the door flew open, the wood cracked where the lock had broken. _

_Stepping in, Russia took a deep breath. The smell of burning wood still filled the air but there was no fire. It must have been recently put out. Russia wondered why. It was too cold for that._

_He and Lithuania would probably have to stay here for the night anyway, so Russia decided that lighting the fire again would be a good idea. They would head out in the morning after a nice breakfast. _

_He knelt down and opened the tinder box, pulling out some birch bark and holding it to the still red embers in the fire place. He continued to start the fire, not hearing Lithuania until he was right up next to Russia._

_Russia felt the sharp and cool blade against his neck._

"_Hello friend. This doesn't seem like a very nice way to greet me," said Russia, smiling and still cheerful._

"_I'm not going with you Russia. Don't even think about it. This is my home and I'm staying here. Not even Sweden made me live with him when he controlled my country," said Lithuania, voice shaky._

"_This is different, because you and I are friends. We should live together now," said Russia, not making a move to get the blade away from his neck. _

"_No," said Lithuania, adding an adorable snarl, "That's where you are wrong. You and I will never be friends. You are crazy."_

_Never? Russia swallowed and then grit his teeth. Why didn't anybody ever want to be his friend? He was strong now and worked hard for this victory. He would just have to show Lithuania that they would be great friends. Show him in the only way that Russia knew how. _

_Grabbing Lithuania's wrist, Russia brought the hand away from his neck, not even flinching when the blade made a cut into the first couple layers of his skin. With his other hand, he grabbed around Lithuania's neck, holding it just tight enough to begin to restrict air._

_Russia watched as those enchanting blue eyes widened, framed by silky locks of brown hair. He'd dreamed of those blue orbs, they'd captivated nearly his every thought._

_Russia slammed Lithuania to the floor, hearing the boards creak under the impact. The smaller man yelped and tried to kick out, only to have Russia use his own body to pin him down. Moving from Lithuania's neck for just a moment, Russia captured his friend's free hand and pinned it with the other._

"_See? I told you that I would become much stronger one day," whispered Russia, bringing his head down to nuzzle at Lithuania's neck, "Isn't it wonderful?"_

_Lithuania shook his head and wriggled as if to get away, "I-it's not. P-please stop this."_

"_Why? Aren't we friends?" said Russia, raising his head to look down at Lithuania with what he hoped to be a friendly smile._

_The little man had opened his mouth to speak, but as soon as he met Russia's gaze he fell silent. Lithuania's face paled in the light of the crackling fire. People always did that when Russia looked at them in such a way. _

_Russia decided that people must like his smile a lot since he always made them speechless. He smiled wider and stroked Lithuania's hair._

"_I don't know your human name," he said, pressing a kiss to Lithuania's cheek._

_When Lithuania paused, Russia slipped his free hand from the hair it was stroking and back around that slender neck. He just rested there, allowing the weight of his hand be a threat in and of itself. _

"_Toris," said Lithuania._

"_Toris, da? A nice name. Mine's Ivan and I'd like you to say it for me," said Russia, kissing the other cheek._

"_I-Ivan?" said Toris, confusion dripping from his voice. _

"_Yes. You will be crying it out tonight, alright? So remember it."_

_Moving quick, Russia brought out a knife from his pocket and sliced down each side of Lithuania's pants. Putting the knife back, secure in it's sheath, he pulled the remains of the pants along with the undergarments off of Toris's body. Then he put his hand back on Toris's throat when the man looked like he was about to kick._

"_Please don't do this. I'll come with you willing and without fight," said Lithuania, begging. _

_Russia moved into position, "But I want to do this, so why not?"_

_Screams filled the room, loud at first, but ebbing away as time flew by. The smell of blood and other bodily fluids heavy around him and a weakened Toris in his arms._

Back in the present, Russia sat up quickly and retched violently onto the floor at the bottom of the stairs that he had collapsed upon. He hadn't known, he hadn't thought anything wrong with what he'd done. What a fool he'd been...all the blood afterwards and the screams ringing in his ears...

Getting to his feet, Russia decided to leave the mess for one of the servants to clean up. Right then, he needed...something. God he didn't even know what. He missed others being around to give him advice, even if he didn't take any criticism well.

Lithuania had made sure to tell him that as well.

Maybe a soak in a warm tub of water would help?

He stumbled to the bathroom and started the water flowing, remembering just before he turned around to plug the tub. Then he began to dig through the cupboards. Ever since Lithuania had left, Russia hadn't ever been able to get his bathwater to smell the same. Or feel the same. It used to smell wonderful like warm spices and made his skin feel nice and soft.

Once the water was getting nearly too full, Russia just stripped his clothes and sat in the clear water. He sank down into it and succumbed further to his thoughts.

_Lithuania still had a bit of a limp from their first night. For Ivan, that had been one of the best nights of his life and was, what Russia had decided, must have been what making love was like. He had been a little worried afterwards, seeing the bloody mess on Toris's bottom. He'd made sure to fill up a pot of hot water and cleaned the man with a cloth. Russia had remarked that he was cleaning Lithuania's wounds, a reversal of how it had been when they'd first met._

_Toris had just looked away with blank eyes._

_A few days had passed since then and right then they were walking into a store from their horses. It was a shop that sold general merchandise, run by a trading company._

"_Would you like anything?" asked Russia, putting a hand gently onto Lithuania's shoulder._

_Toris jumped and shook his head rapidly. Of course he didn't. Russia had, after all, allowed the man to bring whatever belongings would fit into the one saddlebag of the horse. The other side of the bags were for supplies and rations. Ivan had made sure to stock up before he left Vilnius._

_What he really wanted, now that they were just into his own territory was vodka._

_He looked to where the alcohol was and grabbed a bottle. Beside it he saw some bottles of beer and lifted one up._

"_Toris, would you like one?" Russia asked again, smiling._

_He must have got through to Lithuania that time around, since the man nodded frantically and looked at his own feet. Russia went around the store and picked up a few more items. He examined each one carefully and made sure to treat them gently. He liked to make sure that whatever he bought was high quality; he could afford it now after all._

_Just as he turned around, holding up a small cotton bag of cured meats, he noticed that Lithuania was nowhere to be seen. Russia placed his items at the counter and told the teller to watch them as he'd be back._

_Then he ran out, seeing Toris at the very end of the street, turning down an alleyway. Russia ran as fast as he could. Why was his friend running from him?_

_Breath came from him in ragged pants as he pushed ahead, faster and faster until he saw Toris about to exit from the shadows of the alley. Russia reached out and grabbed Lithuania's wrist tight. He snagged the small man back into his chest and put his other hand tight on Toris' neck._

"_I didn't strangle you last time, but this tries my patience. Running from me isn't nice," said Russia._

"_Raping me isn't nice either," whispered Toris, wiggling to free himself._

"_I don't know what you mean," said Russia, breathing in the woodsy scent of Lithuania's hair as he tightened on the neck he held._

_Toris must have tried to gasp out a response, but wasn't able to with his airway being cut off. A few wisps of breath escaped Lithuania's lungs into the frigid air. Russia tightened on the neck one more time before loosening his grip. He slammed Lithuania against the stone wall beside them._

"_Haven't you yet learned that you are my friend now?" said Russia, flicking his tongue out to taste Lithuania's trembling bottom lip._

"_Y-yes," said Toris._

"_So why did you run then?"_

_Lithuania didn't answer. Didn't meet Russia's gaze. _

"_Should I reaffirm our bond right now?" said Russia once more, glad that the area of town they had run to didn't have many people in it. In the shadows of the alleyway they were unseen._

"_No, I still ache from the last time," cried Lithuania, hitting at Ivan only to have his wrists pinned once more._

_Didn't his new friend know that he couldn't get a hit on Russia? Silly man._

"_Da..? It always feels that way though, does it not? The pain?" said Ivan, already pulling down Lithuania's trousers after restraining the man's hands._

"_C-Can you at least use a bit of spit this time or something?" said Toris, voice so low that Russia barely heard him, "It hurt so much last time."_

_Russia turned Lithuania around and spit in his free hand several times before coating himself, "I can do that for you friend. Of course."_

_There were less screams that time, however when Russia was finished and Lithuania turned around, his bottom lip was covered in blood as if he had been biting it very hard. Ivan took a cloth from his jacket pocket and wiped Toris's lips first before handing it to the man to take care of his own bottom._

"_See, better that time, da?"_

_Toris nodded, eyes with that odd blankness to them again._

Russia emerged from the once hot waters of his bath and realized that they had gone cold. He'd been thinking for so long. Too long. Why couldn't he just let his past go? He'd been on his own before. He didn't really need anybody. It wasn't like he needed anybody to forgive him.

Except he couldn't help but agonize over the fact that he'd taken so long to realize his own follies. His own cruel actions.

Idiot. That was what he was.

He had called that stupid nation, America, a moron enough times for failing to see how much his own friend and brother, Canada, had loved him. America had failed to see how much Canada's seemingly unrequited love at hurt the other man.

A few weeks ago, Russia had helped his friend Matvey after a world meeting. Canada was one of the only friends he had left. One of the only people who 'hung out' with Russia just to do things that friends did. He was a really good person and Russia had wanted to forget Lithuania.

Russia wanted to forget all of the unanswered late-night calls that he'd made to Lithuania's cell phone. Wanted to forget going to Poland's place to see Toris and have his ass handed to him verbally over his former cruelties by Feliks. Wanted to forget Poland telling him about all of Lithuania's nightmares.

Wanted to forget that Russia had so hurt the one man he actually loved.

So he'd tried to fall in love with Canada. He'd told himself that he could do it. Maybe if he just had sex with the other man.

But in the end, he hadn't been able to do it. He'd brought Matvey back to his place instead, when America hadn't responded to Matvey's inadvertent confession of love.

There, Russia had actually told Matvey of his feelings for Lithuania. That was something that Russia had never told anybody before. Not really. Not even Toris himself.

Though Russia had known of how he felt since very long ago. Ever since that time...

_Russia sat on one of his comfortable chairs, the one by the hearth with the soft red cushions. He was eating a snack that Latvia had just brought for him. Lithuania had the day off to do whatever he wanted. Russia didn't mind that. Really he didn't._

_No, all Ivan wanted to do then was nibble on the delicious piece of gingerbread that he had and sip his hot tea. He had some work to do later on in day after all, and wanted to enjoy his morning._

_Though he was curious as to why Lithuania was sitting by the window near the front door and was wringing his hands. It would have been nice to know why the man was looking nervous._

_But that wasn't Russia's problem. _

_Or was it? Didn't friends ask after the well being of each other? And Toris didn't look himself._

_Setting aside his fine china cup and the delicate plate with his treat, Russia approached Lithuania. _

_However Toris ran past Ivan, brushing their arms together. Russia turned to ask what the hurry was when he saw it._

_A man even smaller than Lithuania, the nation of Poland, had flung himself into the arms of Russia's friend. Poland placed a kiss on both cheeks before resting his head on Lithuania's shoulder._

"_I've missed you for, like, ever Liet," said Poland, in a sweet voice that made Ivan want to crush his stupid skull in._

"_I know. Me too Feliks," replied Lithuania, who sounded light and happy._

_Shouldn't it be Ivan who made him that happy?_

_Damn it all._

_Russia stormed past the happy couple and slammed the door behind him._

_#_

_When Ivan had returned, about a week later, he threw his dirt covered coat onto a nearby table. His breath smelled rank with vodka, and his hair was covered in dirt and twigs from his long hike. Before he'd come home, he purchased two bottles of his favourite booze. Only half of one remained._

_Stumbling in the dark, not bothering to call for somebody to light a candle or lantern, Russia went to the servant quarters. The Baltics all shared a large room, and Ivan slammed it open. Faintly, he heard Estonia and Latvia cry out in fear. He didn't care. All of his focus and attention was paid to Lithuania who'd leapt out of bed, only wearing a light cotton nightshirt._

_Ivan grabbed Lithuania's hair and brought the little man's face to his own and heard himself slur, "My room. Now."_

_Ivan's large strides brought him to the bedroom first, Toris lagging behind. They'd made love plenty of times since Ivan had first taken control of Lithuania, but they both knew that the night that was before them would be different. _

_Moonlight streamed through a slit in the thick curtains, bathing the bed with a bright slit of silver. Ivan gestured to it and Toris began to strip. _

_Russia sat back in a wooden chair along the wall in his room and watched the seductive display. Each article of clothing, shirt and underwear, was shed slowly and folded carefully, placed on the chest at the end of Russia's bed. Once naked, Lithuania would lean over the side of the bed, pale bottom exposed for Russia's pleasure. _

_Toris would reach behind himself and begin preparation with his fingers and own saliva but that day Russia stopped him._

"_P-please sir, I need something to ease the way," stammered Lithuania, finger in place to slip inside._

"_You think you deserve that? How many times have you done this with all of your other friends?" said Russia, feeling the sneer on his face, taking one more swig of his vodka. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to ease his hurt._

"_What are you talking about, s-sir?" asked Toris, whose head turned the little bit that it could to look at Ivan._

"_Poland! Hanging all over you, filthy slut!" said Russia, not once yelling. Yet not able to stop the words from falling out of his mouth. _

"_He and I are just friends. He is clingy with everybody he likes," whispered Toris._

_Russia stood and rifled through his closet. He found just the right object. What he really needed._

"_So you never slept together when you were partners," asked Russia, back turned from Lithuania and running his fingers over the smooth leather straps of the whip._

_Toris was quiet. Not one word came from him, not even a breath could be heard. _

_Russia had hoped never to have to do what he was about to. He'd never wanted to do this. But his friend had to learn._

"_So did you sleep with him during this visit?" asked Russia._

"_N-no."_

_At that, Russia cracked the hard leather over Lithuania's smooth ass cheeks. Toris hissed but stayed quiet._

"_Did you?"_

"_We are just friends."_

_Russia whipped four more times, one for each word of that lie. Each strike brought more noise from Lithuania and further reddened skin._

"_No more lies. Did you or did you not sleep with him this visit?"_

"_You want the truth?" said Lithuania, hands gripping the blanket tightly._

"_Yes," said Russia, hearing the creak of the leather in his grip._

"_I did. But just as comfort between friends," said Toris, hanging his head so that his forehead touched the bed, his knuckles whitening from how tightly he grasped the blankets._

_Betrayal. It hurt so much. Russia didn't understand why his heart should ache so much. Why did he feel so much pain?_

_That was when he realized it. He was in love with Lithuania. Someone who'd taken another man to his bed and betrayed their friendship._

_Before he knew it, he'd brought the whip down again and again and again onto Lithuania. Over and over until crimson strips of liquid beaded up along the welts and broke free. Toris screamed in pain, voice eventually breaking into muted whimpers._

_At the end, Russia knelt and rested his head on the back of Lithuania's blood stained upper leg. His bed was covered in splatters of blood._

_Covered in blood and dropping the whip to the ground, he stumbled downstairs to the servant rooms. The opened the door quietly this time and spoke to Estonia and Latvia, "Toris needs to be bandaged. I'm going out."_

#

Russia flopped down onto his bed, hating his room for the first time in his long life. The room where he'd hurt Lithuania so many times. A blue towel was wrapped around his waist and he shivered, cold from the air hitting his still wet skin. The chilliness from the bath turning cold didn't help. He didn't bother to get under the quilts. Russia deserved to be uncomfortable.

On the phone earlier, Lithuania had said, "How was I supposed to know that you thought we were in a relationship? I hadn't known until you whipped my back into bloody strips."

So much of their past had been dredged up. When Ivan had called, Toris had just let loose on him. It had been like the opening of floodgates. They'd been on the phone for hours and Russia barely got a word in edgewise. Ivan had wanted to know why Toris hadn't called him back in so long and why he didn't try to see him when Russia had gone over to Poland.

Russia had also wanted to know if all of Feliks' accusations had been true.

Well he knew now, and his own memories flooded back. It wasn't like Ivan hadn't eventually figured out that he'd actually raped Lithuania and that he'd been so cruel. He had just foolishly hoped that the other man had forgiven him. Now he knew otherwise.

Russia curled up on top of the covers and shivered once more. He didn't cry, hadn't since he was a small child.

But if there had ever been a time when he'd wanted to do so, it would be right then.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Author's Note: Unlike my other first fic, this one isn't fully written. So it might take a bit longer to come out with each chapter. But I won't leave you hanging for too long between chapters.**

**Also, I hope that Russia doesn't get too OOC in his actions. I'm not as good at writing him. I think he's okay though.**

Lithuania paced up and down Poland's sitting room. He grabbed at a fistful of his hair and tugged it until it hurt. This was no good. No good at all.

"Why don't you sit down and have some paluszki? It's really tasty," said Poland, leaning back on a sofa feet on the seat next to him, wiggling one of his salted bread sticks in the air.

"Is your stomach all you can think about right now? Don't you remember me telling you all of the things that I said to Russia last night on the phone? He's going to come here to kill me," cried Lithuania dropping his hands to his sides.

Poland waved his hand and jammed more snacks in his mouth, "Suit yourself, more for me."

"You aren't even listening to me are you? Why did you let me drink so much last night?"

Poland shrugged and moved his feet to the floor, "It's not my fault that you have no self control. Don't drink so much next time then. There, I helped."

Lithuania stomped out of the room saying, "Some help you're being. I hope you feel bad when I've been helplessly murdered!"

Once in his room, he resumed his pacing away from his unhelpful friend.

What had gotten into him? Seriously? Lithuania had kept his mouth shut about how he felt about the way Russia had treated him for so long. He just kept it all inside, except for the one time when he was drunk at America's house and blabbed nearly his whole life story. Toris had hoped to never tell Ivan anything.

In the past, if Lithuania had ever given any sort of criticism or negative words, Russia got really angry. That was over things like agreeing about how ugly a uniform was. What was Ivan thinking after being yelled at for three hours by a drunken Lithuania?

Sure everything that Toris had said was true, Ivan had raped him and treated him horribly over the years, but it was all in the past. Russia hadn't done anything bad to Lithuania in a long time. Not since Lithuania gained his independence. Even before that, Russia had been relatively tame and calm in how he treated Toris.

But now? He bet that Russia was storming to Poland right then and there, clutching that water pipe of his.

Lithuania held his stomach and groaned.

This was no good.

When his phone began to chime in his pocket, he jumped high. Holding a hand to his chest, he took it out and answered it.

"What have you done to my brother you jerk?" hissed Belarus in a voice that Toris only thought of as really pretty.

Lithuania wondered why such a nice lady nation was calling him for only a few moments before what Belarus said to him sunk in.

"Huh? What do you mean?" said Toris.

"I'm sure that you know exactly what I'm talking about. He's laying in bed, miserable," said Belarus, the sound of a door opening and a person shuffling around in the background, "And the only thing he's saying is your name."

"I didn't think he'd care too much about what I told him. It was all pretty obvious," muttered Lithuania.

Belarus screeched so loudly that Lithuania had to hold the phone away from his ear, "So you did do something, I knew it. Nu ty i pizdabol!"

He didn't know too many words in Belarusian, but he didn't have to in order to know that he'd just been insulted. Something about idiots?

"So wait, he's not on a rampage?" said Lithuania.

"No, of course he isn't. Chujasos!"

Okay, that one Lithuania did know, and it was really crude.

"Maybe he's just feeling sick?" suggested Lithuania, perching on the edge of the bed that he had in Poland's guest room.

"There's nothing wrong with his economy right now," said Belarus.

"Then maybe..." started Toris, before Belarus cut him off.

"He may reek like vodka, but he would never, and I mean never, refuse more vodka. I offered him his favourite kind. He just shook his head."

Lithuania's grip loosened at those words and he dropped the phone to the ground, still hearing a few curse words from the woman on the other end of the line. Russia was refusing vodka.

God. Ivan really was taking their conversation badly.

Stooping to pick up the phone, he put it to his ear, "Are you still there?"

"Yes. I want you to fix this. Ivan isn't listening to me and he needs somebody there for him right now."

"I-I don't know about that," said Lithuania, suddenly wanting to hang up and forget all about what was happening.

"If you don't come over, right away, I will break every one of your fingers again. I will torture you in ways that my brother could never have fathomed. I will make every day of your life from here on in a living hell if you don't show up soon," said Belarus.

Oh boy, did his stomach ever hurt. This was awful.

"Fine. I'll be there."

#

It had taken a few tries to start his car but it eventually sputtered to life and Lithuania had been on his way. Lithuania chose to drive through Belarus, which was the fastest way from Warsaw, Poland to Moscow, Russia.

Never before had he been scared of Russia's little sister, since she was so cute. However after that phone call, Toris was pretty nervous. Every time he drove around a corner, he expected the little woman to jump out at him. He was starting to see why being around Belarus made some other people so anxious.

Every now and then he had to pull over his car to hold onto his stomach. He'd popped a few antacids, but they didn't really help his stomach ache. The drive was fifteen hours, but the threats Belarus gave him made Toris drive through the night, even though his eyes drooped and felt heavy.

Once at Russia's large home, Lithuania placed his head on the top of the steering wheel with a sigh of relief. As soon as he did so, he drifted to sleep.

#

With a jolt, he woke up. Somebody was rapping on his car window. A scowling Belarus stood there, fist on one of her hips and her other hand knocking on the window. Lithuania could hear her voice muffled through the door.

"Wake up you lazy dolt and go help my brother!"

Rubbing sleep from his eyes, Toris yawned. He didn't think that he'd had more than twenty minutes of sleep before Belarus found him. It was at least enough to keep him going for a little bit longer.

He hoped.

He got his suitcase from the trunk of his car and lugged it inside. Belarus followed right on his heels. Just as he was about to turn to go to his old servant's room, she stopped him.

"Your old room is being used. Take one of Ivan's guest rooms," she said, stiff as a board.

Oh. Well that would be a first for Lithuania. He never had the privilege to sleep in one of the opulent rooms designated for guests. The room's walls had panels of light brown wood on the bottom half, and an elegantly golden swirled wallpaper at the top. The curtains were an emerald green velvet, tied to the sides with golden rope. His bed had pale green covers and white bed ruffles. The frame was made of a light brown wood.

"Put your bags down now and let's talk," said Belarus, voice significantly lower than it had been and less threatening.

She leaned against a wall, legs crossed at her ankles, arms crossed across her chest. Lithuania sat on the corner of the bed, "Okay."

"I just want what's best for my brother. You'd better not make him upset again after this."

Toris knew how Belarus felt for her brother. Everybody did and somebody would have to be an idiot not to see it. She loved Russia. Or at least really liked him a lot and wanted to marry him. But Lithuania had no idea what she was getting at. Why would Toris and Ivan have to talk after this?

Did she think that he was going to submit to the man's tortures again?

"I have no idea-"

"Save it. Just...make him happy, okay?"

"What are-"

Belarus didn't stay around to hear the end of what Lithuania had to say. She just slipped from the room, hanging her head. He heard her heels click away and down the stairs.

So that was odd.

Taking a deep breath, Lithuania decided to get on with his task. Make Russia feel better and then leave and never have to deal with the crazy bastard again.

#

It had taken a bit, but Lithuania found himself slipping open the door to Russia's room holding a tray laden with food. There was a bowl of borscht that Toris had made from scratch with a roll that he'd found in the bread box. He also put some cookies on a plate and a mug of sweetened coffee that had a small shot of vodka.

He looked around the room. The thick curtains had been drawn and all of the lights were shut off. But even in the shadows of the dim room, Lithuania saw him.

Russia lay on his bed, towel pooled over his feet from where it must have once been wrapped around a waist. Ivan shivered in the slight chill of the room, completely naked. Silver hair hung over his face and the man whimpered sleepily.

"Lithuania..."

"Yes?"

Ivan shot to a sitting position, his violet eyes widened as he stared at Lithuania, jaw slack, "You're here? For real?"

"U-Ummm, yes. I am here," said Toris, taking a few steps forward.

"Why?" said Russia quietly, laying back down on the bed, face buried in a pillow.

"I brought you some borscht that I made and some snacks."

Lifting his face just enough to peek out from the pillow, Russia said, "You made me borscht?"

"I did."

Putting the tray on the bedside table that was, as always, clear of clutter. Russia was so tidy in general. It made taking cleaning after him fairly easy, so Lithuania never had a problem with that aspect of being in servitude to Russia.

Russia sat up and took the tray, gaze downcast at the food, not once meeting Lithuania's eyes. He breathed deeply and made an ever so slight smile.

"Thank you."

Lithuania didn't really know what to do with himself, so he sat down. He watched Russia slowly eat the food, a look of appreciation on his pale features.

As he watched, he noticed that there were dark circles under Russia's eyes which were also tinged with red. His hands shook, as if he hadn't been eating. Had Belarus been telling the truth that Russia hadn't been eating or drinking vodka?

So why was he eating now? Was it because of him?

"You added some of my favourite kind of vodka to the coffee," said Ivan, sipping quietly with a grace that Lithuania had secretly admired for some time.

Admired? No, how could he admire such a cruel man?

And yet, there sat Russia, looking down at his plate with such an odd expression. One Toris had never seen before. Almost meek.

Eventually Lithuania drifted off, unable to keep awake much longer, while Ivan ate his meal. He had been awake for so long and the soup had taken a while to make properly. He had Russia eating and that had to count for something in Belarus' books right?

#

When Toris woke up, he was pretty sure that it was dark again. He lay on a comfortable bed, one that smelled familiar some how. He couldn't see around himself since somehow during his sleep, he'd snuggled under the blankets.

Then, it hit him that he'd originally fallen asleep on the chair. Where was he now?

Daring to peek out from under the blanket, he gasped and ducked back down. Russia had been laying on his side, staring at Lithuania. There had been no smile on his face, so glimmer of childish joy in his eyes. Just a blank expression.

And he was still completely and utterly, naked.

"Did you have a good sleep?" asked Ivan.

Normally, those large hands of Russia's would be all over Lithuania's body, even if not in a sexual way. Russia touched him all the time, shoulders, neck, hair, face, everywhere.

So why wasn't the man doing so today?

It weirded Toris out.

"Yes, thank you. Did you move me? Stupid question Toris, of course he did," muttered Lithuania, blinking when the covers were lifted away from him to rest on his shoulders.

"Correct. I did move you. The chair couldn't have been very comfortable."

Figuring that Russia was probably already going to kill him for what had been yelled over that drunken phone call, Lithuania said, "Why didn't you move me to my bed?"

Wincing and turning his head away, Toris awaited the 'kolkolkols' or other grumbled and angry words. Nothing came though and after a few minutes, Toris looked back over to Ivan.

The man was picking lint from the blanket and frowning. Who was this man? Had what Lithuania said really affected him so much?

"Well, I suppose if you had taken me much further than your bed, I may have awakened. So...it was a good thing," said Lithuania.

A curl of a smile came back on the other man's face, "Really?"

"Uh-huh."

Russia sat up in the bed and slid to hang his feet off of the edge, "I suppose that I should go get clean. I've been laying here for a while."

"Why?" blurted Lithuania.

"Why should I get clean?" asked Russia, one brow risen.

"No, why had you been laying and moping for days? Belarus called me and told me what was happening."

"Of course she did. That was none of her business," said Russia, walking out of the room with what almost seemed like a pout.

Lithuania, still clothed, followed a naked Russia to the bathroom, slipping a foot in the crack of the door when the other man tried to close it.

"She was worried about you."

"I know."

"So why are you upset," asked Lithuania, "If I had such a pretty lady worried about me, I'd be happy too."

"It doesn't matter. Please let me bathe in peace."

"Look, I know that you're probably going to kill me for prying...but please talk to me. What's wrong? Is it what I said? I was just drunk and venting-"

Raising a hand to stop him, Russia said, "You may have been drunk, but what you said was still the truth. I've been alone for many years since everybody left me. I've had more than enough time to think about the follies of my past. But until your phone call, I didn't realize all of what I'd done and that you won't ever forgive me."

"Oh. Well, maybe I s-should have been a little less harsh, or told you everything in small chunks over a little while. Or maybe just not at all."

"It's good that I know," said Russia, both of his forearms on the edge of the sink and leaning down on it.

"But why do you care if I forgive you or not?" said Lithuania, feeling lost and as if he were missing some crucial piece of information.

Russia shrugged.

Lithuania made both of his hands into fists, hearing the knuckles crack in them before he walked over to Russia and said, "I drove over fifteen hours to get here even though I was really tired. If you really want me to try to forgive you, maybe you should talk."

A wave of dark purple aura came from Russia though the man didn't raise his head to look up, "Maybe you should leave the room now before I do something bad."

"What bad thing could you do that I haven't already been through?"

At that, the aura died down immediately and Lithuania regretted the words he said. Russia hung his head.

"I'm sorry. Look, I know that you haven't done anything to me in a while. I shouldn't have said that, it wasn't fair," said Toris.

"It's true though."

"Maybe, but you are unhappy. I should have had more tact," said Toris, going to the linen closet and grabbing out a big fluffy towel. Then he went and looked for bath supplies.

"Wait here," he said quietly, before running downstairs to the pantry.

He gathered some oil, milk, sticks of cinnamon, cloves and some rosemary. He mixed them all together quickly in a bowl and jogged back upstairs. Lithuania tried to ignore Russia's stares as he began to fill the tub with hot water and dumped the mixture in, swirling it around with his hand.

Once the water was at the right level, he beckoned for Russia to get in. Neither of them were too shy about that. This was almost normal for Toris, who'd helped Russia bathe numerous times, more so than he could possibly count.

"It's wonderful. You are wonderful. Thank you Toris."

He didn't see that coming. Russia hadn't thanked him before. Lithuania felt his face flush and his heart pound.

"Um, you're welcome."

Holy moly, what in the world was that?

"I can wash myself, if you'd like to help yourself to some food. Take whatever you want."

Then Russia sank down into the bath with a happy sigh and closed his eyes.

Toris' stomach grumbled and he felt a pang of hunger. He could use something to eat. Perhaps he could go raid the pantry.

**Translations (based on a website that had vulgar phrases in Belarusian):**

**Nu ty i pizdabol: You're such an idiot**

**Chujasos: Cocksucker**

**I like Belarus. In my head-canon, she has a foul mouth. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Heavenly scents surrounded Russia as he sunk into the waters so low that just his nose stuck out. All of the rest of him was submerged. He could feel the bath waters soak into his skin and fill him with rejuvenation.

Now if only he could figure out why in the world Lithuania was in his house. After all that Toris had told him on that horrible phone call, Russia didn't think he'd ever see Lithuania again unless it was at a World Meeting or something similar. Not only was the object of his love here, in his house, but he was feeding him food and drawing his bath waters.

What did that mean?

Russia's first instinct, as a powerful nation and based on his upbringing, was that Lithuania wanted to be under his control again. He quashed down the urge to conquer and take what he could and make the smaller nation one with himself.

That kind of thinking was what got him in this depressed state of mind and this horrible situation to begin with. It was that kind of thinking that allowed Russia to torture Lithuania for centuries without understanding that he was doing something wrong.

So what did he do?

That was what Russia hadn't the first clue about.

After soaking for a while, luxuriating in the first bath that felt right in ages, Russia got out and dried himself off quickly. He ran into his room, shucked the towel, which was put directly into the laundry bin, and got into some clothes.

He got out his phone, and was about to dial a number, when he realized that he didn't want anybody to hear him. Mostly Toris.

So he decided that he'd text Canada instead, something he didn't do very often even though he had one of the latest in modern phones. If he wanted to contact somebody, he'd call.

**Ivan: **Hello? Matvey?

For several long moments, there was no answer to his text message, and then...

**Matvey: **Ivan? What would you like? I'm still mad at you for shooting Alfred y'know...

That had happened when America had come to Russia to retrieve Canada. Alfred assumed that Ivan was doing horrible things to Matvey, and had come running into the house. Russia had been holding a gun with the intent to scare America a bit, but had actually shot the man. He felt, not for America, but for his friend Canada.

**Ivan: **I know, and I'm still sorry for that even if it was an accident. But I need advice.

**Matvey:** Alfred's just fine, by the way.

**Ivan: **Oh yes, I was going to ask how he was recovering. That's good. You have to help me, I have nobody else to ask and I need to know what to do soon.

**Matvey: **Alright, I guess I can help.

**Ivan:** Thank goodness. I called Lithuania a day or so ago, I don't remember how long exactly anymore. I'd been leaving him messages for a while, wanting to talk. When I called the other day, asking why he hadn't returned my messages, he let loose on me. He told me off for all of the awful things I had done in the past to him. Now he is here, trying to take care of me because Belarus told him that I was depressed.

**Matvey: **So he is there being nice to you, even after telling you off? That's a good thing, right?

**Ivan:** It is. I just don't know what to do now.

**Matvey:** Um...be nice back?

**Ivan:** It's hard to not fall back into old habits. All of my instincts are telling me to conquer him while he shows weakness.

**Matvey:** I can't say that I understand that. As a nation, I've never had those kinds of urges. You told me when I was staying with you that you'd never told him how you felt. Is that still the case?

**Ivan: **Da. There is no way that I'd know how to tell him how much I love him.

**Matvey: **Romance? Flowers, foods that he likes and kind words? Crap! I g2g, Alfred is coming and he'll hover and read what I'm typing. Bye!

He could do those things. It seemed easy enough.

First though, he needed to make sure that Toris didn't leave.

He went downstairs and saw Lithuania reading one of the books from Russia's shelves as he nibbled on some cut up pieces of apple. Russia went right to the chair and stood over Lithuania who looked up, eyes wide.

"D-did you enjoy your bath, s-sir?"

People who were in a relationship didn't call each other sir, right?

"Just call me Ivan and yes, I did. Thank you. I would just like to tell you that you are staying, okay?"

Just as Lithuania began to tremble and nod his head, Ivan shook his own when he realized his mistake, "Drat, I meant to ask. Forget that I ordered you."

Ivan took a deep breath and said, "Toris, I would invite you to not leave until I say so, if you'd like? That made sense, da? You can leave and I promise not to get mad, if you really don't want to be here."

"B-Belarus will get mad if I leave anyway."

Russia ran his hand through his hair, "I will tell her not to be. She was worried about my happiness, da? So if you leave of your own free will, I won't be sad again probably."

Toris' gaze shifted and the man's legs bounced nervously, "How long do you want me to stay?"

"However long you wish."

"Give me time to think it over, o-okay?" said Lithuania, flinching as he spoke, like Russia was going to hit him or something.

It wasn't an outright refusal, and that had to count for something. Right?

Smiling, Russia put a hand on Lithuania's shoulder, "Okay. Well then, have a good night my friend."

#

The alarm was set for six am. That meant Russia hadn't received much sleep, since he didn't get to lay down until close to two am. He'd spent an hour searching on the internet for ideas, and researching Lithuanian foods. But he needed to get out bright and early to carry out his plans.

He drove out right away to a bakery that he liked. There he found a fresh and warm loaf of dark rye bread. From there he picked up some sausages and smoked meats and cheeses from a store that he knew sold various Lithuanian foods.

Russia made sure to drive back as fast as he could and started a fresh pot of coffee. He began to set out a tray of the foods and buttered slices of bread. Also on the tray, Russia put a small bowl of sugar and some cream and milk for the mug of coffee he poured.

Then he brought it to the room that Lithuania was staying in. He knocked.

"Good morning!" said Russia, carefully balancing the tray in one hand and opening the door with the other.

Lithuania ducked his head under the blankets and moaned. Russia set the tray on the bed table and tried again, "I have brought you breakfast."

"Is that fresh bread I smell?" said Toris quietly, muffled by the covers on the bed.

"Yes. I made sure to get rye bread. You like that kind I assume."

"Of course. My people all love bread."

Russia took a deep breath and then picked up the break from the plate with his bare hands and passed it to Lithuania. He'd read that passing bread in such a way with his hands was a symbol of respect and love. He hoped that he didn't get this tradition wrong. He had only read about it online, after all.

One side of Toris' mouth lifted and he took the bread, breaking it apart with two hands and taking a bite.

"Thank you. This tastes wonderful."

Toris ate in relative silence, as he was wont to do. Russia just watched those slender hands moving, that pale throat swallowing. How could Toris be so pretty while he simply ate?

Ivan wanted to pin the man down and ravish him. But no, he needed to restrain himself. No more taking without permission.

He would not allow himself to conquer.

So Russia sat there, fidgeting with his hands between his knees and a smile on his face.

Toris placed the tray to the side, plate clear of food, and sipped on his drink. He brought his knees to his chest.

"Um, so thank you. Are you feeling better now?" said Lithuania.

"I am. Now you should get up and get dressed. We have a long journey ahead of us."

"Where are we going?" asked Lithuania, still sounding shy and unsure of himself.

"To your place of course. I was think that perhaps you'd feel more comfortable in your own space, da?"

"Oh, well...I haven't been there in a while. Every now and then I get somebody to go in an air it out. But that happens only once or twice and year, and the whole place is probably dusty and...and..." stammered Lithuania.

"If you do not want me there, it is alright."

Toris was watching his feet and so was Ivan. Those cute toes curled and uncurled a whole bunch of times in rapid succession. Some kind of nervous tic?

"I don't mind. I guess. I just haven't been alone with you there since that one night, so many centuries ago."

The night that Russia first raped him. Until a decade or so ago, that night had been the happiest of Russia's life. But only for him. For Toris it must have been a nightmare.

"I don't think that I've ever said this Toris, but I'm sorry. For everything that I've done to you. I didn't do anything to be deliberately cruel, but that doesn't matter I suppose. I wish so much that I could take those things back and treat you right. But it's hard and I don't know how."

Beginning to pace back and forth, Russia gripped his hair in his hands. He didn't know what he should do.

"Look, I...maybe we could start over and take things slowly? Would that be nice?" said Toris, touching Ivan's upper arm, brows knitted in worry.

Russia turned slowly, as if he moved too fast then Lithuania would disappear, "You really mean it? You'd be willing to try?"

Toris nodded and said, "Yes. Now that doesn't mean that I forgive you, that will take a while. You hurt me very badly, and you know that now. I also don't think I'll ever be able to forget."

Taking a chance, Ivan brushed his fingers over Toris's silky locks of hair, "Then why would you try? Why would you even give me a chance?"

Lithuania said, "Because no matter how hard I try, I can't ever get you out of my mind, and not just in a bad way. I'm not always just imagining the bad things that have happened."

"Can I give you a kiss?" asked Russia, adding quickly when Lithuania looked as if he would protest, "Just on the cheek?"

Toris nodded and Russia pressed his lips on one of those soft cheeks. A light red flush spread across Lithuania's face and he shuffled his feet.

"I'll go pack a bag for myself right now and we can get going," said Russia, grinning from ear to ear.

#

Russia loved to watch Lithuania drive. He nibbled on his lower lip, popping it in and out of his mouth until it was puffed, red and glistening. His eyes were stern, focused but so pretty, sky blue orbs. It'd been a while since they'd hit the road, and Ivan hadn't been able to keep his eyes to himself the whole time.

At some point Ivan had put on a CD from Toris' glove box. It was some violin music that sounded as if it hadn't been recorded professionally. Ivan hadn't known what had been on the CD until he put it in. It was blank on the front.

Toris had protested Ivan putting it in for a little while, but Ivan hadn't listened and slid it in anyway. Now Lithuania was focusing even harder on the road. Sweet and yet sad sounding music filled the car as they drove. Russia could just imagine the artist's drawing the bow over the strings with perfect mastery, closing his eyes and throwing back his head in the sheer pleasure of the music.

"This is nice. Where did you get this?" asked Russia, desperately wanting to touch Lithuania's hair since it shined so nicely and he knew that it would smell so wonderful.

"Um, well, I kinda of recorded it myself?"

"Who played it? I would like to listen to them play live. Are they from your country?"

"Well, yes, because it was a friend."

"A friend?" said Russia, trying to sound nonchalant.

He could be calm. He didn't have to get jealous and he really wasn't. He was just curious about who played such nice music. Really.

"A nice lady that I met in Vilnius when I go to visit my capital. She gave it to me," said Lithuania, blushing.

"So you slept with her?"

Toris didn't say anything but flinched and shifted closer to the driver's side car door. Then Toris took a deep breath and straightened his back, "Okay, yes I did sleep with her. She was a very nice woman and we had a weekend together every now and again."

Russia looked to his feet, "Okay."

He must have sounded sad or something because Toris sighed, "Are you honestly saying that you don't sleep with people every now and then as well."

No, he didn't do that at all but he didn't know what to say. He tapped his fingers against the armrest in the middle between the two seats. He didn't meet Toris' eyes.

"Don't you?" said Toris again.

"It's embarrassing," said Russia and put his hands over his face to hide it.

"What is?"

"Promise that you won't laugh?"

"Of course not. I'm honestly still too afraid of you to try something like that."

Watching the landscape speed by, Russia gathered his thoughts. What should he tell Lithuania? Should he tell him that his own dick was always soft when he went to fuck somebody else? That half the time he couldn't even get it up anymore unless he was thinking about Toris.

"You have always been the only one for me, da? I've never," said Russia, pausing to roll his hand in the air as if that would make his words come easier, "I've never gone all the way with another person."

"Never?"

"No. I've tried. Many times with other people and in all kinds of ways. You are the only one for me."

Toris was quiet for a while and Ivan wondered if he would start to laugh. Or if he was trying not to. He slumped his own shoulders.

"I don't think I should feel flattered, but I do. You are being serious and not trying to pull my leg?"

Ivan nodded, "Of course I am serious."

He nearly pulled his hand away from the armrest when Toris' hand moved to lay over his own, warm but not clammy at all. Lithuania rarely touched Russia in such a way, and of his own volition. To feel fingers thread through his own and a tightened grip. He couldn't help but smile wide.

"So you really don't mind?"

Toris shook his head, "No. I don't. Part of me likes knowing that I've been the only one that you've gone all the way with."

As the violin music slowly ebbed and eventually became no louder than a whisper in the background, Russia said, "While we take things slow, can I be the only one that you are with? No more Poland or that lady in your capital?"

"I haven't slept with Feliks in a long time. Over a century. He's a good friend when he isn't so self absorbed, but he is kind of a dick. Did you know that he actually did make me wash his belly once? Just his belly too. He's so weird!"

Russia smiled and went back to watching Lithuania as the man ranted about his friend. It was nice and made him feel a bit better that not everybody in Toris's life was perfect.

#

It was nighttime when they got to Lithuania's home and a chill filled the air. Toris took both of their bags, despite Ivan's protests. He could do things himself. He was useful.

There was a bit of dust over the furniture and shelves, which would have to be cleaned. Ivan could do that and prove himself helpful.

First off though, he'd have to light a bit of a fire since the home was cold. He went to the tinder box, grabbing the very last bits of paper and bark that was in it. He took a lighter from atop of the fireplace.

This time he heard Toris behind him and then heard the man stand still, felt himself being watched. Then Ivan heard Toris whimper and back up. Russia looked and saw the fright on Lithuania's face.

"Please don't hurt me again. I don't think I could handle it. Please," said Toris.

"No, I could never. I've done too much of that. You'd never have had to beg like that when I first came to take you. You'd threatened to slit my throat with so much spirit. I want that fire back in you," said Russia standing up and holding both of his hands up and out to the sides.

Toris nodded but his eyes were clenched shut. Ivan walked out towards his friend, inwardly cringing at the flinch the other made made. Then, Russia got to his knees and hung his head.

"I came here for another reason, Toris. I wanted to be on your lands when we do this. I want to serve you and have you do with me what you will."

The gasp that came from Lithuania wasn't entirely unexpected. A huge nation like Russia didn't often prostrate oneself before another willingly and outside of war. Every one of his instincts screamed for him to move. But instead, he reached inside of his coat pocket and drew out a set of steel handcuffs.

He'd used them on Lithuania before, so he knew that they were strong.

He held them up to Toris.

"You are serious, aren't you?"

"As ever before."

Lithuania grabbed the cuffs and seemed to examine them for a long time before he gingerly took Russia's wrists and brought both arms behind his back and then snapped the restraints on them.

"This could work, I think," said Lithuania, tugging slightly on the bound wrists, not enough that they hurt Russia, "As long as you are sure?"

Toris' voice trembled at those last words and Ivan smiled up at him, "Yes. I'm fine."


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter and future ones had explicit material that I edited out for this site. I didn't have to change very much, but if you'd like to read the original, the link to the story on AO3 is on my profile.**

**So this ended up having way more BDSM than I thought. I hope that I end up writing it well, I don't have too much experience with BDSM and stuff.**

**No idea how much longer the story will be. I started it, thinking it would be a couple chapter shorty. I think it will have at the very least one or two more chapters.**

**Chapter Four**

Having Russia fall to his knees in front of him had been the last thing that Lithuania had ever expected to happen. To be truthful, Toris had never really been overly into BDSM or dominating somebody. However, the idea of restraining Ivan and ordering him around, being the one in charge for once.

Toris felt a huge weight of stress fall off his shoulders and some of the ice crumble off of his heart.

Ivan was really trying.

And was currently on the hard floor on his knees, looking up expectantly and squirming in place.

"Well, um...why don't you go up to my room. We need some sleep after that long drive anyway."

Following, though at a far slower pace as he made his way up the spiral staircase. Just on the threshold to his room, his considered something.

"I haven't had a shower in a while. I should probably do that first," said Toris, almost absently, "You can wait here. Will you be okay?"

Russia perched on a corner of the end of the bed, "Da. But I want to join you in the shower."

After centuries of servitude, Toris said, "Yes."

But then just as Russia got up, Lithuania ran over and pushed on his shoulders and got him back down, "No wait, I'm in charge now right? So you shouldn't ask for anything right now. It's up to me."

Toris squashed the urge to giggle a bit. This felt liberating to him.

Ivan frowned but nodded, "Of course. That's why I'm doing this. I demanded again, didn't I?"

"Kind of. But it wasn't as forceful as you'd been in years past. So it's alright. You're trying."

Even still, he made his shower pretty short. Just long enough to not feel gross anymore and to soften his hair with some conditioner. Poland had lectured him time and time again on the important of conditioning products. It would often be Feliks who bought them for him when he discovered that Toris was all out and had no intention on buying more.

Once he pulled back the shower curtain on the tub, Toris realized that his clothes and bath robes were in his bedroom. In the room with Russia. All he had was a towel.

Crap!

Once he opened the door and sneaked in, he saw Russia on his knees, close to the door. His head was down as he said, "Toris? If I may, can I pleasure you?"

"Ah! W-what is this?"

Russia said nothing, just continued to hang his head.

"I don't want sex right now, so get that out of your head b-because I am in charge here, remember."

Russia nodded yes but frowned deeply.

"W-well...maybe...I suppose."

In fact, Toris hadn't had anything more than his hand in a few years. What he didn't tell Russia was that the lady who he used to sleep with in Vilnius was married now. So Toris no longer had a sex friend. Also, in the past, Russia hadn't ever sucked him. Sure, Ivan would give Toris a hand job while having sex with him. But no oral pleasure had happened on the part of Russia. That was Toris' domain.

Shaking, he went forward and took off his towel. His wasn't fully reacting because he was nervous. He wanted to run away, or go get a weapon before he did this.

Russia, however, watched him with shiny eyes. There was none of the same hunger that Lithuania had seen in the past. This seemed different.

Toris got close enough so that his hips were almost right up in the other man's face. Ivan leaned forward and inhaled deeply before starting. The larger man didn't have use of his own hands, so he used only his mouth.

Lithuania gasped in pleasure as the Ivan worked. He'd never felt anything so wonderful.

Toris put his hand in Ivan's hair, threading them through in a way that the other man often did. He tugged the silky silver locks experimentally and it felt so good to do. He moaned as the heat travelled through his whole body, encasing him in warmth. Russia groaned, muffled it sent vibrations through Lithuania.

He panted and then cried out and reached his peak.

Gasping, Lithuania fell to his knees, almost straddling Russia's lap. He rested his head on the man's shoulder as he caught his breath.

"T-That was good. Thank you," said Toris, kissing Ivan's cheek and then getting up.

He knew that Russia was hard, he felt it against his leg. But he wasn't ready for that step yet, and Russia had offered the blow job. Not returning the favour didn't make him a jerk did it?

No, not after everything that he'd done for Russia in the past.

"Would you like to lay next to me?" said Lithuania, sliding on a pair of sleeping pants and then laying down on the bed.

Licking his lips and a bit of his chin, Russia went to the bed as well, "Can you help me with these pants? They aren't very comfortable."

Toris shook his head, "It'll be fine."

Okay, so he was being a bit mean. But a bit of revenge was to be expected. He could be forcing Ivan to sleep in a small bed in a cold room as he had to do in the past. He didn't though. So the least Ivan could do was sleep in his dress pants.

Toris looked pointedly at Ivan and then at the bed. Russia seemed to get the point and laid down under the covers that had been moved back. He lay on his side because he was still cuffed and wriggled over to kiss Toris on the cheek.

"Thank you for giving me this chance. I will prove that I can be a wonderful friend."

Toris also hoped that Ivan would be a wonderful friend because what he was most scared of was being hurt once more.

#

A hot wetness covered his morning wood. He'd been drifting in a dreamless sleep and had only had a vague notion of sensations in his lower half. Eventually Toris woke up to feel Russia sucking him off again.

He didn't lay there long until he was done.

Lithuania lifted the blankets to see a sheepish looking Russia, an innocent smile on his face despite the dirty act that he'd just performed.

"You don't have to keep doing this you know?" said Toris, clucking his tongue.

"Was it not good?"

"Of course it was. You're really good at that. I'm just saying..."

"Then I can keep doing it when you are aroused?"

"I didn't say that either. I'll let you know, okay?"

Russia had started to pout, but perked up when told that he might be asked to do such acts again.

Man! Lithuania didn't know if he was very good at this whole "being in charge" business.

"Um, so maybe I will take those cuffs off and you can make me breakfast? Does that sound good?"

Toris waited for an answer for all of a second before he shook his head rapidly, "No, what am I saying. You wanted to follow my orders, so...um...I demand that you go make me food."

He made his best stern face and narrowed his eyes. Russia sat up in bed really fast an turned around very fast. His shoulders shook but he made no noise.

"A-Are you crying? I didn't think I was that mean," said Toris as he rounded the bed only to see a smile on Ivan's face.

"You're laughing? Fine. I see how it is! Go get the keys and I'll uncuff you."

Russia's silent chuckles slowly decreased until he could say, "They're in my pants pocket."

The man stood up and then Lithuania reached in an took out a set of silver keys. When the cuffs were off, Russia stretched his arms by swinging them about and rolling his wrists.

"Why were you laughing?" demanded Toris.

Ivan smiled and said, "Because you are cute when you try to be dominating."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Lithuania said, "Go make me breakfast and then...oh wait."

Toris flushed. Stupid, stupid, stupid. There wouldn't be any food in the pantry. He hadn't been there in so long after all.

"We need to go out to eat, I'm out of ingredients. I just realized," said Toris

"That's okay. We'll just go-" said Russia, trailing off in the middle of what he was about to say and then after a small bit, continued, "We'll just go do whatever you want. I will follow."

#

After getting dressed and putting on a coat, Toris and Russia were ready to go out. Centuries ago, Lithuania's house had been on the outskirts of town, now it was in the midst of Vilnius. The sounds of his people talking, smiling and playing children, chirping birds; Toris wondered why he had spent so long in Poland after all. He missed his country.

The sun shined down on them and warmed Lithuania's face, "So I was thinking of taking us to a diner down the road. It's a pretty nice place, I like it and the food makes you feel like you're home. Well, maybe not in your case but you know."

"If you like it then I will too, da?"

"Well I don't want you to pretend or anything. That kind of thing won't get me to forgive you any earlier," said Toris, trying again to be stern.

"No, no. I won't at all. I just think that I trust your tastes. I love your cooking after all, it is so good. So if you approve, then I have no doubt that I will as well."

Toris swallowed.

And they did enjoy their meal. They made sure to have lots of food and plenty of coffee coming. The owners of the diner didn't know what Toris was, that he was a nation, but he was sure that they had a feeling that he was somebody special. The cooks always made his plates of food with extra portions and gave him really fresh and hot mugs of coffee. He left them a generous tip for their efforts.

He and Russia sat in a mix of silence and small-talk. Normally, if it were anybody else, Toris would have been uncomfortable. However that wasn't the case with Ivan. Toris always felt okay to be quiet around the man.

The two of them left the restaurant and walked down the streets. Citizens of a country will always feel drawn to their nation representative, even if they had no idea why. So people would flock around Lithuania but scuttle away once they saw Russia. The man was just so scary, with that adorable and yet creepy smile on his face.

"I want to go over to that store," said Russia, without a hint of a question in his voice.

The man started to cross the street to a yarn and craft shop. Toris followed, sputtering protests. Why was he so bad at this being in charge thing?

Ivan went inside, presumably to buy some products. Toris waited outside and paced. He needed to do something to show Russia that he was dominant. This whole situation that Ivan came up with was so that Toris could feel powerful. But he almost felt more helpless than ever. He needed to do something drastic.

Ivan emerged, the handle of a paper bag in his hands and a grin on his face, "Look at what I got. It is a really good pair on knitting needles and some quality wool-"

Before Russia could get the rest of his words out, Lithuania slapped a hand over his mouth. He stood on his toes and hissed into Russia's ear, "We are going home now and you are going to follow. No more games."

Face reddening ever so slightly, Ivan nodded furiously.

#

As soon as they got into the house, Toris yanked the bag from Ivan's hands and tossed it aside. He started ripping clothes from Russia's body, buttons flying.

"What are you doing?"

Lithuania smacked Russia's cheek, not too hard but enough to make the taller man's eyes widen.

"Do not speak unless spoken to."

"Okay."

A smack on the other cheek.

"What did I just say?"

Ivan thinned his lips and blinked a few times.

"Good, you're learning," said Toris, resuming the stripping of Ivan.

Soon Russia was naked, save for the scarf around his neck. Toris grabbed both ends of the garment and tugged Ivan to follow him, "You think this is just for fun? Just for show and that you won't have to really submit to me."

Ivan's mouth opened but no words came out. Toris approved, since the question was rhetorical.

"Well I will show you differently. Go upstairs and lay on my bed face down. Don't go anywhere else or move from the spot."

Moving quick, Toris went to his garage and grabbed some ropes. He went outside and removed a branch from a tree that was nice, smooth and not too thick. He went inside and got some sanding paper and smoothed it even further. The wood was new and not dried out, so it wouldn't break very easily.

Upstairs, on his bed, was a nude Russia, pale ass exposed to for Lithuania to gaze at. He'd never really allowed himself to stare at those firm rounds, perfectly muscled. He'd been too scared to look before, but now that he was finally allowing himself to take charge, he felt entitled.

Russia was now his to do with as he pleased, right?

Violet eyes peeked out at Toris and begged to know what was up. Toris said nothing.

Instead, Lithuania took the rope and raised Ivan's hands over his head. He wrapped the wrists well and tied them to his headboard. He made sure that it wasn't too tight but that Russia wouldn't be able to slip free.

"Toris, I-"

Before he could change his mind, Lithuania took the switch he had just made and let it swat across Russia's ass.

The bound man hissed but quieted. A red line welled up on the nearly white skin.

"Here's how it's going to go: I'm going to do what I want. I guess, when people do this normally, they have safe words. But...you never gave me the option of one in the past. I won't punish you like this all the time. Just this once, I will do as I want. I will make you feel helpless as I felt for centuries."

By the end of his rant, Toris was breathing hard and had begun to yell. He looked down at his feet and sighed, "But I will give you one last chance. Do you want this, answer yes or no? Ivan?"

There was no pause at all, just a whispered, "Yes."

Toris dragged the tip of the switch over the bottom of one of Ivan's feet, up over the hard calf and then trailed slowly up the inside of the man's thigh. He avoided the genital area, lifting the switch and bringing it down over Russia's ass once more. The man hissed in pain.

"You never asked me if you could go buy that yarn."

Another hit.

Russia moved his hips against the bed. The movement was barely noticeable, but Lithuania did see it.

Toris whipped across the back of Ivan's thighs. That caused a whimper and the hip thrusting stopped.

"You get pleasure when I tell you to. If I see those hips moving again, your thighs get abused. I know it hurts more there."

Russia nodded.

Toris moved the tip of the switch up each side of Ivan's body, feather-light. He brought over Russia's neck, lingering over the pulsing vein before pressing the tip against closed lips.

"Suck it, get it nice and wet."

After hesitating for a few seconds too long, Toris brought the switch down over Ivan's ass again before putting it back against the lips.

"Suck."

And Ivan did. Toris watched the other man's tongue lick up and down the parts of the stick that could be reached. To reinforce the order of "suck", Toris drove the stick a bit deeper into Ivan's mouth. Not enough to gag the man or hurt him, but enough to get his point across.

Russia began to suck as if he were fellating the stick, covering it in saliva until it was dripping. Some wetness covered Russia's chin and Lithuania swiped a thumb through it.

Removing the stick, Toris knelt behind Ivan and put the switch firmly inside, enough that it wouldn't fall free, Toris got off of the bed.

"Don't let it leave your body. I'll be back when I feel like it," said Toris, and then left the room.

Once the door was closed, he leaned against the closest walled and slid down it until he was sitting on the floor. He rested his head on his knees and let his body tremble.

This was harder than he'd ever imagined, but he wasn't trembling from fear. Adrenaline rushed through his veins.

This was incredible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

A few hours had passed by and all of Russia's muscles had grown stiff. He really wanted to make Lithuania happy, so he'd tried to stay as still as possible. The other man hadn't shown his face even once. Russia frowned.

Was this a taste of what Toris had gone through for so long? If so, he felt so bad. And Russia had put the man through tortures much worse for a lot more time.

Keeping his breathing even, Russia calmed himself. It would do him no good to move now.

But then, from inside of his pants pocket beside the bed came a ding. And then another.

A text message?

Who could it be? Canada?

Too bad he was tied up. Though not very tightly. Ivan could tell that Toris had thought the rope was strong and bound him well. However Russia was strong and easily pushed and pried enough room for him to slip a hand free, and then the other.

He would have continued to stay still, but surely Lithuania would understand the need to keep in touch with a friend would was trying to get a hold of him?

Hissing with a bit of pain, Russia removed the stick and set it onto the ground. He got the phone front his pocket and went to sit, but having the switch in his ass for so long made his anus sore and tender. So instead he opted to stand and view his text messages.

**Matvey:** How are things with Lithuania? Did you confess your love yet?

**Matvey:** I hope that they are going well. I won't bother you again with another text after this. Just know that I have your back. You really helped me with America (despite the whole shooting him by accident thing), so I'd love to make you happy as well.

**Ivan:** They are going well. Thank you. We just went to Toris' house.

Not too long after he sent his text, a ding indicating a response was received.

**Matvey:** Oh. Neat. Romantic getaway?

**Ivan:** Not really, I guess. I submitted myself to Toris to make up for all my cruel acts against him. So now he has been whipping me with a stick.

**Matvey:** Oh my gosh! That's not good. Does he even return your feelings? Why would he do that? Revenge isn't good for anybody...

**Ivan:** I offered though. He said we could try to be friends and take things slowly.

**Matvey:** So he knows that you are in love with him?

**Ivan:** Why wouldn't he? Why would I do this otherwise?

**Matvey:** Oh Ivan. I have a bad feeling about this.

Russia's fingers were about to swipe a response when Lithuania opened the door. He had more rope in his hands and a knife.

Those pretty blue eyes widened but then quickly narrowed and Toris whispered in a low and lethal tone of voice, "What are you doing?"

"I got a message from Matvey. I thought I should respond."

A wave of cold slammed Russia and he shivered as Toris stared him down. Lithuania calmly collected the switch and held it in one hand, stroking it with the other.

"So you don't care about what I asked of you?"

"Sure I do. I just thought it would be rude not to reply to my friend's text."

Russia cocked his head to the side. He didn't really know a whole lot about social conventions. Never understood them as well as others. But he was pretty sure that he got this one right. Lithuania had to understand? Right?

The switch hit the back of his shoulders so hard that he fell forward and landed on his hands and knees. It hit again and again and again, white hot pain lancing through his body. Skin broke and a ringing hit his ears. Was it his phone?

No, it was just his ears. He was just in so much pain.

Pain that he could stop, if he used his strength. If he let loose his desires and instincts to conquer, he could restrain Lithuania in a heartbeat. But he wouldn't. He deserved this. He'd done the very same to Toris a number of times.

"Now I think I know why you did this for so long. It feels so good."

Russia's wobbly arms gave out and his forehead touched the floor. His breaths came out laboured and he felt hot blood trailed down his sides and watched it pool on the floor. The carpet under him soaked up the crimson.

"If it makes you feel good, then I will let you do this again."

The whipping stopped and Toris knelt behind Ivan and the snap of a bottle opening sounded. Ivan looked behind him and could hardly recognize the man behind him. It appeared as if Toris had run fingers through his hair over and over and his eyes had become glazed. Red spots of spattered blood covered him and his clothes.

"No. I realized something when I was downstairs. You must be doing this only to make yourself feel better."

Russia faced the floor again as he saw Lithuania cover a finger in lubricant.

"No. I'm doing this because-" started Russia, only to have his words silenced by two fingers being shoved into him.

"Because why, hmmmm? Because you wanted to see me fall like you. Well guess what? I have, and I like it."

Toris laughed but the effect was chilling. As he was invaded, Russia whimpered. It felt good and weird at the same time. He'd never had anybody inside of him. Not even his own fingers. Not since he was a young nation.

"No. Because I-" gasped Russia as the fingers slid free and Toris positioned his body to enter, "Because I love you."

For the longest time there was no noise. Not a sound at all, hardly even a breath. Then a hand caressed one cheek of his ass and Lithuania whispered, "What?"

"I love you. I thought you knew," said Russia, voice ragged, pain beginning to feel worse, "Why else would I do this for you?"

"I had no idea. I thought this was about being friends and some kind of weird power trip. I h-had no i-idea."

His vision became blurry. He felt dizzy and light headed, "Everything I've done, was because I love you."

And then everything went black.

#

"Oh god, oh god, oh god. I'm such a moron. I'm the worst of the worst. What was going through my head? Seriously."

That was the first thing Russia heard when he emerged from the darkness. Lithuania's sweet voice. He was laying on his stomach on something soft, probably his bed. There was a stinging in his back as a cool and wet cloth was dragged softly over it. He didn't bother to open his eyes yet and allowed his breathing to remain as if he were still asleep.

"You are an idiot, and you are lucky that I only broke the fingers in one of your hands," said Belarus who was there for some reason.

Russia was more glad than ever that he didn't open his eyes. The last thing he wanted was more proposals from his sister.

"After what I just did to Russia, I am surprised that you didn't kill me," said Toris.

"I'm just happy that I decided to come here when you and my brother weren't at his house. Who knows what else you would have done if I hadn't come along," snarled Belarus, sounding as if she were pacing the room, her heel clicking muffled by the carpet.

"I was about to stop," said Lithuania, very quietly.

Belarus snorted.

The wiping stopped for a moment and Toris said, "I really was. He...he told me that he loved me. I thought that this was all just some kind of power trip for him."

"So you really are stupid, more so than I could ever have imagined."

"Huh?"

Russia heard his sister growl and then stop walking. She huffed and said, "I've known for a very long time that he loves you. He has for centuries. I loved him, and I hoped that if I could get him to marry me that he could love me as well, in time. I knew that I'd treat him right. Unlike some other people."

Belarus must have been looking or gesturing at Lithuania because the man moaned, "I know, I know. I have no idea why I did that. He had offered to be under my control and the power got to my head."

"So imagine things from his perspective, idiot. He'd been treated horribly by so many of his bosses, even when he was little. I'd seen some of the cruelties inflicted on him. I always wanted to make the pain go away. He'd come limping to me and Ukraine, no one else to care for him. Then he gets power, for once in his life. Ivan had no idea how to treat others and thought he was doing good. Ukraine always considered telling him to change his behaviour, but was too much of a coward. I never said anything because I didn't give a shit about how he treated you, Latvia and Estonia."

"O-oh," was all that Lithuania said.

Belarus decided to continue, "I never did anything because this world is dog-eat-dog. Not that I have to justify my actions to you or anything. I knew that if he beat you three down, that you wouldn't rise up to hurt him. I just never counted on him falling in love."

"That is so sweet..." said Lithuania, his words trailing off into a gurgle.

Russia opened his eyes and held out a shaky hand to stop Belarus who had her hands wrapped around Lithuania's throat and she said, "If you ever tell anybody else what I have said here, I will kill you."

"G-Got it," said Lithuania nodding furiously.

"Brother, about time you opened your eyes," said Belarus, sitting on the edge of the bed after ceasing her assault on Lithuania, "How is your back after that monster ripped it to shreds?"

Toris didn't meet Ivan eyes and tried to shuffle from the room. Russia called for him to stop.

"Sister. Thank you for your kind words, but I allowed him to do this. You know that I could have stopped it. I deserved what I got."

At the same time, both Belarus and Lithuania said, "No you didn't."

Belarus narrowed her eyes at Toris but said, "You didn't. However I think that this asshole understands what will happen to him if he tries this again. I don't care if you allowed it or not. But you never answered my question. How is your back?"

Russia withheld a wince, because his back still throbbed and ached. However the look on Lithuania's face was enough to quell those urges.

"I'm feeling better, da?"

Belarus searched his face before brushing hair out of his face, "One last chance to marry me?"

Russia, unable to back up and cringe, said, "No. I can't."

The woman nodded one briskly and then stood, "I will take my leave for now. But I will be in the area until I am sure that this bastard doesn't try this again. Next time I will take my knife and-"

"Sister," said Russia, trying to put firmness and warning into his voice, despite the physical pain that he was in.

Belarus went out of the room without another word.

Lithuania picked up the cloth, wet it again with alcohol and dabbed it some more on Russia's back.

"Are you really feeling better?"

"Sure," smiled Ivan.

No more was said after that lie and Toris began to wrap the wounds with some long strips of bandage. Russia had to get to his hands and knees for some parts to wrap fully around him. He collapsed back on the mattress right afterwards.

"I'll sleep in the guest room for tonight," said Toris when the bandaging was complete.

"Stay with me?"

"Why?" said Lithuania, brows risen and a cute confused look on his face.

"Because I don't want to be alone," said Russia, making another smile that he hoped looked friendly.

"B-but after everything I just did..."

Russia yawned and patted the spot beside himself, "I've done worse. To you no less. I forgive you."

Toris approached while clutching both hands together. He got into some night clothes, providing Ivan with a nice view of his backside and then lay next to him.

The man was stiff, even more so when Ivan placed a hand on the side of Toris' face, ignoring the pain that shot through him when he moved his arm, "I do love you."

"I know."

"Do you love me?"

Russia's heart sank after the minutes flew by. Eventually Lithuania looked up and said, "I don't want to lie. Not enough time has passed by for me to process what's happened. But I want to feel the same."

Giving Toris a kiss on the forehead, Ivan said, "That is good enough for now then, da?"

Lithuania closed his eyes, but Russia couldn't help but notice the man wiggle closer as they drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Three years later**

The latest world meeting had just come to a close and Lithuania was leaving the large conference room. Belarus, who had never quite forgiven him for what he had done, glared at him across the room as she organized her papers. With one hand she drew a finger across her throat and pointed at Lithuania. He knew that the threat was real, but it still looked sort of cute when she did that. Not that he'd tell her that.

Or Russia for that matter.

Once Toris thought about the man in question, he looked around himself.

Where had Ivan made off to?

Toris had plans. Big plans.

Oh. Russia was over near the windows, looming near America and Canada. America, who was hosting the meeting in his state of California, was glaring at Russia.

Ivan had told Toris everything that had happened a couple years ago between the two nations and Canada. America still hated Russia and was pouting like a five year old, cheeks puffed and everything.

Lithuania went over in time to hear Canada whisper, "You should come over to my place some time Ivan. It's very nice there pretty much any time of year."

"I will definitely consider your offer my friend."

A rare shot of jealousy spiked through Toris when he heard Ivan refer to somebody else as a friend. That was really stupid, but he couldn't help it. He'd come to learn that Ivan didn't really differentiate between terms like friend and partner. Ivan just decided that certain things he did with some friends, like Lithuania, and some things he didn't do with others.

Namely sex.

When America began to sputter and open his mouth to yell, Lithuania grabbed a hold of Russia's arm, "Um, can we go now? I had some things planned, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I recall you saying that, and also that you wouldn't tell me what you wanted to do," said Russia with a smile.

Toris had been with Ivan and paying attention to his expressions for three years now. So he knew the difference between Ivan's smiles, whereas before he'd just assume that every smile meant death. Some grins were truly innocent. Others, like the one that Russia currently wore, meant that the man was frustrated.

Lithuania understood. He hadn't been very forthcoming recently, but he wanted to change that.

Dragging the taller man out by his arm, Lithuania took Russia outside and into the scorching summer heat. A happy smile came onto Russia's face.

Ivan hadn't been thrilled to be in America, but the summer heat always seemed to make the man happy. Summer blossoms filled the numerous gardens around the conference hall and Toris stooped down to pick some small yellow flowers. Then he handed them to Russia, whose smile faded and he cocked his head.

"What are these for?"

"I saw them and thought you'd like them," said Toris, looking at his feet as he sped up his stride to the car they took.

"They are pretty. I will put them in a cup back at our hotel room."

Sticking a key in the lock of the driver's side, Toris said, "About that...I was planning on taking you some place else first. If you don't mind that is?"

God, after everything that the two of them had been through, Lithuania was still jumpy and nervous around Russia. It was partially a bit of fear, but that day he also really didn't want to be turned down.

"Of course not."

They drove out of the parking lot, the sun starting to dip lower in the horizon.

Crap! Lithuania had to go a bit faster to do what he needed to do. At least Russia was busy smelling his flowers and gently fingering the petals.

After nearly twenty minutes, they were out of town and travelling in a forest. Parking in the spot that he had been told about, Lithuania quickly got out of the car. He gestured for Ivan to do that same.

"We have to go fast, I don't want to miss it."

"Miss what," asked Russia, still following though and trusting in Lithuania.

There was a path that Lithuania unlocked the gate for with a key that he had. Russia was about to ask something, probably about where Lithuania got the key, but he was shushed with a finger being pressed over his lips.

"Let's go."

The path was short and there wasn't anybody around. The entire forested area up and to the bluffs was fenced off and private property. Toris had asked America for a favour and the man had complied. Though Lithuania did feel a smidgen bad that he withheld that fact that he'd be using Alfred's private property to take Russia out for a date.

But what he didn't know wouldn't kill him, right?

Soon they came to a small cleared out area and some bluffs that overlooked the ocean. The sunset was just starting and painting the sky in oranges and pinks.

"Is this what you've taken me to see Toris?"

Lithuania nodded, hoping that his idea wasn't too stupid. It sure was pretty, but what if Russia didn't care for it. He thought that Ivan would but what if-

"I love it. It's beautiful. I love you."

Swallowing hard as Russia looked at the sunset some more, Lithuania gathered his courage, "I love you too."

Ivan turned slowly, eyes wide, "What?"

"I love you. I know that I haven't said it until now, but I am such a coward sometimes and...I just...didn't know how to say it right. But I do, I love you."

Lips crashed onto his own, hard and demanding. A large hand cupped the back of his head in a much gentler way than the kiss. Russia's other hand rested on Lithuania's hip.

They hadn't done much in the way of sex, even though it had been so long. Lithuania just hadn't been ready to be taken, and kept having nightmares from when he had almost violated Russia. But he was ready now. So very ready.

To show that, he pressed his hips against Ivan and put both of his hands on the taller man's chest, gripping some of the button up white shirt that was there.

Ivan parted, panting for breath but still peppering kisses over Toris' cheeks and jaw.

"Are you ready for this now? Please say yes. I need you. I want you. Please, holding back is so hard," said Russia, in between kisses and rubbing one hand down Lithuania's back.

"Yes. I even brought lube."

Toris took the travel-sized bottle from his pants pocket and handed it over.

"Go sit on the ground against that tree?" suggested Lithuania, wary still of getting too power hungry from ordering Russia around too much.

Ivan did as he was asked, pulled down his pants and briefs and folding them to rest beside him. Ivan's long legs were muscled and had a fine layer of silver hair all over them. Until Toris had given Ivan a chance, he'd never noticed how sexy those long legs were. But now, they nearly made him drool.

So was Russia's chiseled chest, also with a bit of silver hair.

Swiftly stripping all of his own clothes off and folding them as well, Lithuania knelt at Russia's feet. He pressed a kiss to the bottom of each sole, working his way to the ankles, up those hard as steel calves, each knee and up the inner thighs. Russia's moved a hand through Lithuania's hair.

"Shouldn't I be the one to do this for you?" said Russia.

Toris sighed and straddled Ivan's lap. He grabbed the sides of the man's face and looked deep into those violet eyes, "We need to forgive ourselves, for the things we have done in the past to each other. No more of trying to decide who should do what for each other."

"What have you done?" said Russia, seeming to be truly confused.

"When I hurt you when you trusted me to take control over you. I've taken so long to forgive myself for that. I'd have flashbacks to it. It haunted me and was one of the reasons I've been unable to do this with you for so long. I'm glad that you forgave me so easily. You are a good man."

"No I'm not. I hurt you for years."

Toris kissed Ivan hard and then pulled back, "Enough. If I can forgive you for that, you surely can as well. No more control given to one or the other of us. No more servitude. Just you and me. Two men who love each other."

The orange hue from the setting sun bathed them in it's glory as they moved together. Skin bared to skin, slippery with sweat. Sloppy kisses and trembling touches. Both of them felt like virgins once more as they cried to heavens. The past no longer matter.

Just each other.

**So that's it for this story. I hope that it wasn't too abrupt or OOC. At the start, I fully intended for this to have sex. However after the power struggles between the two at various points, I felt it was better to avoid saying who was top or bottom. I also apologize for the corniness at the ending. It's what my chocolate fuelled brain wanted me to write.**

**These two will make an appearance in the sequel to my story 'Deluge'. I also, in the future, may make an explicit one-shot for them to compliment this fic (You'd have to watch me on my Ao3 account for that though).**

**Thank you for the reviews and even just for reading! It makes me happy**.


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